With a Beat of My Heart Read online

  “What the hell is she doing here?” A familiar shrill voice cuts through my terrifying dream.

  “Hey! Mind your mouth Ashley, she informed us that my brother had been in a serious accident. A better question is, what the hell are you doing here?” I’d recognise that voice anywhere, Mayo.

  “Come on, let’s just go and see him.” Mom’s voice is rough obviously, she’s been crying.

  Shit.

  I love her but since everything with Alex went up in smoke and then Ashley, she’s been on my ass to sort my life and get a divorce.

  “No. She isn’t going in there, I’m his wife!”

  Christ, that whine is fucking annoying.

  I press the button to call a nurse, struggling to shake the fogginess and the throbbing in my head.

  A stern looking nurse appears in the doorway. “Are you okay Mr, Barker?”

  I ignore her stupid fucking question and try to hide my annoyance. “Can you send my family in, in a few minutes please?”

  She looks behind her to where I presume my family are and nods.

  Voices raise as Ashley starts throwing her weight around as “my Wife” trying to refuse anyone entry.

  “Ashley!” I yell over their voices.

  She rushes into my room, fire spewing from her eyes as she realises she’s been overruled by me. Now that I’m conscious I make the decisions not her. Plastering a fake smile on her face she rushes to my side grabbing my broken arm and pulling it. I bite back a scream as pain slices through me, for a horrifying minute I think I may be sick.

  “Let go of my arm.” I grate through gritted teeth as sweat pops on my brow.

  Thankfully she lets go and I slide it slowly back onto the bed breathing through the pain.

  “I’m sorry baby, are you okay?” She tries to gentle her voice, batting her eyes at me.

  How the fuck did I ever fall for her shit? I mean come on…

  “Don’t start that shit Ashley, you’re only my wife on paper.”

  Her thunderous gaze brings a smile to my face.

  “Where’s Evie?”

  “With my parents. Where else would she be since all your family is in the hall?” She snaps, her mask slipping.

  “I want you to leave,” I say calmly, looking her in the eye so she can see I’m serious.

  “What? I’m not leaving, I’m your wife. If anyone should leave it’s that tramp in the hall.”

  “I’m not getting into this here, so just please leave quietly.”

  “No. I’m not leaving. I’ve been here most of the time at your side, then the minute she gets here you tell me to leave? What the fuck!” I cringe at her shrill voice and press the nurses button again, I do not have the strength to argue right now.

  The same nurse comes in looking tired, I smile apologetically. “Can you ask someone to escort my wife out please?”

  The nurse blinks stunned looking from me to Ashley not sure.

  “Please?” I grate.

  Nodding she holds the door looking at Ashley expectantly. Ashley’s face changes colour so fast it’s comical, and usually I’d laugh but everything hurts.

  Finally, after throwing another scathing look at me she storms out of the room. I close my eyes and sigh relieved, and thank god for small mercies.

  “Oh, my god.” My mother’s wail brings me back to earth.

  I smile weakly at her as she rushes to me, hesitating. I can see she wants to hug me but is terrified by my casts, wires, flatbed and neck brace.

  “I’m okay, in pain but I’m alive,” I joke.

  Loud sobbing brings my attention away from Mom to everyone else. Niles and Mason look horrified by the sight of me.

  Shit, I didn’t think I looked that bad.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be fit enough to kick both your asses soon enough.” I joke expecting them to fire insults at me, but all I'm getting is pained brittle smiles.

  I’m distracted by the hot mess of woman sobbing into my brother’s coat. My heart aches seeing her cry and not being able to do anything about it.

  “I’m okay Lil’s,” I murmur, my arm reaching for her before my brain can stop it.

  The pain that assaults me has the blood draining from my face as sickness and dizziness hit me at once. Causing me to groan, slamming my eyes shut I try breathe through the pain.

  “E, are you okay?” Her scent hits me first and my body instantly reacts. Opening my eyes, I see the love of my life leaning over me concern etched on her beautiful face.

  God, she’s gorgeous. How could I have been so stupid? She was my one chance at happiness. How could I be so easily manipulated? I can’t believe she married someone else, it was meant to be us and the twins…

  I’m sucker punched again when her wedding and engagement rings catch the sun, I wince from both the glare and the pain of reality, he may not be here but his presence is. I hate him, I really shouldn’t but I do. He has what was meant to be mine.

  “I’m fine. How are the twins?” My words come out cold and I instantly regret them, her wounded face, and the tears welling again.

  Shit! What the fuck? You asshole, apologise.

  “Lily, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” I wince trying to move closer to her.

  I look at my brothers, pleading for a few minutes alone with her. Mace gives me the eye, letting me know he’ll kick my ass if I make her cry again and heads out taking Mom and Niles with him.

  “Lily?” I whisper, inching my arm over, laying my hand on the nearest part of her, which just happens to me her thigh. Unbelievably a certain part of my body jumps to attention.

  Damnit, don’t salute now.

  “I’m sorry, I’m just in pain right now, I can’t move and I want to see my kids so bad my chest hurts. That may be from the accident though,” I laugh, gasping as my head and body revolt against it.

  Smiling, she takes my hand absently tracing patterns.

  “How are you really feeling? Has the doctor said anything?” I hesitate not wanting to sound like a total pussy, whining about my boo-boo’s.

  She squeezes my hand and my eyes jump to hers, those gorgeous green eyes, even swimming with worry they pull me in, capturing me. For a millisecond, I forget she’s not mine, and that she belongs to another man and for that millisecond I’m happy, I can breathe…

  “Mr, Barker?”

  I blink, scowling at the young stiff necked doctor intruding on my time with Lily.

  “Yes,” I grate, as Lily stands looking at him, our moment gone.

  “I’m Dr, Carson,” he says, looking questioningly at Lily asking if it’s okay to talk in front of her, I motion him to go ahead.

  “I have your results from your CT scan, everything looks good, there’s no bleeding or swelling, just a nasty concussion.”

  I sigh, relieved. Lily takes my hand squeezing, a smile kissing her plump, kissable lips. I’m cruelly dragged out of my daydream of those lips sliding down my cock by the irritating fucking doctor clearing his throat.

  “Unfortunately, there is damage to your spine…”

  Time slows, stopping as everything fades, his words, the room everything but the painful grip Lily has on my hand. She whimpers and buries her head in my neck and cries hard and loud.

  “Did you hear me Mr, Barker?”

  My lips move forming the word ‘no’ but nothing comes out as I numbly try to comfort Lily.

  “There was some damage to your spine, we don’t know the extent just yet. We’ll need to do some physical tests to determine how bad the damage is.”

  My mind is blank, nothing, time moves in slow motion as I stare blankly at the coffee stain on the doctor’s shirt. The door busts open and in rushes my family, taking in the scene playing out in front of them. Me staring mutely, comforting Lily as she cries into my neck. Niles ever the cool headed one of us all starts firing questions at the doctor, who straightens as Niles’ demeanour changes subtly as he takes control of the situation.

  As Dr, Carson explains my Mom bursts into tears and rushes to me, holding my face in her hands she talks to me but I hear none of it, I’m in shock, devastated as I think of everything. My kids become my main focus as my resolve hardens and I gain control of myself.

  Focusing on my Mother’s tear streaked face I smile sadly, this is my penance and whatever the results I’ll still have my family, my kids.

  “I’m okay Mom, I’m alive,” I say, releasing Lily to Mace who wraps his arms around her, and pull my heartbroken Mother into my chest letting her get her tears out.

  ~*~

  Chapter Three

  The past seven weeks have been a fucking nightmare. I’m bored shitless, sick of lying in this fucking bed and I miss my kids so much it’s physically painful. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate my family and Lily visiting, but I want to see my kids. I can’t take it anymore. This place is driving me nuts! Even the pretty nurses have lost their appeal.

  I’d give anything to be at home playing with my kids.

  “Okay, can you raise your arms?”

  I wince but manage to lift them, my left arm still painful and stiff. He smiles encouragingly at me writing on his clipboard.

  “Okay, since we know you can feel your upper body and other,” He coughs, blushing a little making me chuckle. “Body parts, let’s try your toes.”

  I concentrate on my toes willing them to move, twitch anything. Beads of sweat pop on my brow from the effort it’s taking to do something so fucking simple.

  Arhhhh!

  I let out a frustrated breath giving up, feeling useless and trapped…

  If I can’t move I can't play with my kids, spin them in the air, chase them through the park, or bounce them on my knee. Fuckin’ useless piece of shit legs! No, your kids need you to get better to push through, for them.
br />   “What happens now? I’ve been trying for weeks and there’s still nothing happening… Will,” I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Will I be able to walk again? I mean, I know you’ve said you can’t give me a definite answer, but what are the odds of me being able to play with my kids again?”

  “Every case is different, it’s hard to predict things with spinal injuries, but I have seen people with cases worse than yours walk again, it all depends on the case and you.”

  “Well, that’s better than you’ll never walk again.” I nod, I can deal with hard work, to be honest I could do with the distraction a few months of not seeing the happy couple together… I know I seriously fucked up after finding out about their engagement and then the wedding reception… I need to move on, Lily is off limits.

  “Okay, so what’s next?”

  “Well, we’ve been informed that you will be moved to a private facility as soon as I clear you…”

  “What? Who arranged that? I didn’t think I could leave until I was fully healed.”

  “Well, since you’re going to another facility I can clear you to be moved. I don’t know who organised it but we got the call this morning.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask, and he nods.

  “You obviously can’t exercise your lower half but you’ll need to strengthen your arms and torso, I also think you may need to speak to someone about your nightmares. Plus, they’ll be able to give you one on one care, and they can help you learn various things. They’ll outline your care when you get there. If you don’t have any questions I’ll go and sort your paperwork so we can get you moved later today.” He hands me a brochure and leaves.

  I look through it. It looks like a hotel. My mind already on my kids.

  Maybe I’ll be able to see them now.

  I grab the phone excitedly and call my Mom.

  “Hi honey,” she answers, breathlessly.

  “Hi Mom, what are you doing?”

  “Nothing, just working out. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I called to say thanks for organising the facility. Maybe Lily will bring the twins to see me now, it looks like a hotel, it’s perfect,” I babble, excited by thoughts of seeing my kids, holding them, kissing their little cheeks.

  “Ethan?”

  “Sorry, I was miles away.”

  “Ethan, I didn’t organise the facility,” she whispers, mumbling something then a door closes.

  What? If not Mom, then…

  “Alex,” I breathe stunned, silence greets me. Of course, Lily went home upset and he’d do anything for her and the twins, and weaselling his way back into Mom’s good graces is just the cherry on the cake.

  Bastard!

  “Ethan, calm down. He loves you, you know that. He wants you to have the best care.” I scoff.

  Yeah fucking right! Asshole probably thinks I won’t confront him. Well, he’s got another thing coming. The things he’s done to my Mom and Lily…

  “I’m okay, Mom, anyway they’re moving me today,” I say, a fresh burst of anger boiling my blood at the thought of him in… No!

  All I have to do is get through the next few weeks until my results come back. God help him when I get out of this hospital!

  “That’s great news honey, we’ll come and visit as soon as you’re settled.”

  “Okay, Mom, I’ve gotta go the nurse just arrived to wipe my ass!” I laugh at her horrified shriek and hang up before she can say a word.

  “Mr, Barker, causing trouble, again are we?” Amy is the only nurse who actually has a sense of humour.

  “Would I ever?” I bat my eyes innocently, laughing she checks my catheter as the scariest nurse I’ve ever met enters pushing a trolley with a bowl of soapy water a sponge and towels. I look at Amy panicked, she barely disguises her giggle.

  Please for the love of god don’t let her be the one bathing me.

  I shudder cringing as I imagine her touching my junk, I imagine my dick shrivelling up trying to escape her grabby hands. Amy loses her battle and bursts out laughing.

  “Thanks Ethel, I’ve got it,” Amy says, still giggling, I sigh in relief.

  “Are you sure Amy? He looks too heavy for a little thing like you,” Ethel, even her voice is scary, shit she must scare trick or treaters at Halloween.

  Amy looks at me smirking, my eyes bulge begging her. “You know what, Ethel, you’re right.”

  Shit.

  “Please,” I beg quietly, looking back at me calculating. “Will you behave?” She asks quietly, I consider it for a second, seeing Ethel approach I nod hastily.

  “Yep, cross my heart,” I whisper.

  “I think Mr; Barker here can help lift himself a little now that he’s lost the cast.”

  Ethel stops, nodding she turns and leaves, I blow out a relieved breath. Little Amy giggles her ass off, her grey eyes shining. She really is gorgeous and it’s not the first time I’ve noticed, she has a heart shaped face, long dirty blonde hair and soft pink lips. She can’t be much more than five foot and has curves everywhere, but her ass... I see my dick hardening under the thin sheets and cough, bringing her eyes to mine, tamping down my embarrassment I ask her to grab my toothbrush and paste from the cabinet and recite algebra trying to think of anything but her ass in those tight scrubs.

  “Here you go, should we do it then?” She asks, making my eyes widen and as my dick goes from semi to full mast.

  “What?” My voice comes out rough.

  Blushing she looks down and her eyes widen when she sees my predicament.

  “Err, maybe I should come back for a bit? I mean in, in a bit!” She turns bright red. Seeing her fumble for the right words and actions makes me laugh.

  “No, it’s fine. The problem isn’t going to go away and if it does it’ll only come back.”

  Squaring her shoulders, she clears her throat and puts her professional, friendly mask back on and gets to work. Removing the sheets, she grabs the stack of towels, rolling me gently on my side she places the towels under me and rolls me back before repeating the process on the other side.

  “Right, I’m err, we need to remove your clothes,” her voice is a whisper as her eyes lock on my cock, she licks her lips making me groan seeing her pink tongue glide along her lips. Her eyes jump to mine, darkening as we stare at each other, the temperature in the room soaring.

  I blink seeing her sway toward me, her beautiful face drawing nearer.

  “Hey bro, I heard you were…” Amy jumps back knocking the water and supplies flying.

  “Oh shit!” She drops to the floor using the remaining towel to clean up the mess. I turn back to Mason scowling, nodding for him to help Amy.

  “I’m sorry I scared you, are you okay?” Mason asks, chuckling at her red face and my death glare.

  “I- I’m fine, thank you, I’ll just get some new water and we’ll get you cleaned up Mr, Barker.” With that she hurries out of the room.

  “Why the hell did you burst in here like that?” I growl at Mason, making him laugh.

  “Sorry, I didn’t realise I’d find you… Well, like that with your nurse. If I’d known you were having fun I wouldn’t have interrupted,” he smirks, sitting in the chair beside my bed, folding his arms behind his head making himself comfortable.

  “Don’t get comfortable you’re out of here when Amy comes back, there is no way in hell you’re witnessing me having my ass wiped,” I snap, my mood darkening. For the first time in weeks I hadn’t felt useless, the way she looked at me, it made me feel wanted, like I was normal again.

  “That sounds so fun, I think it’d be a hit on YouTube, you’re definitely the kinky brother. Ass play isn’t my thing but whatever floats your boat,” he laughs, winking at me.

  Asshole!

  An evil smirk curls my lips. “Aww, you're missing out little brother. Obviously, you’re not as experienced with woman as me, but when you do pop your cherry you should try a little ass play woman love it!”

  “Fuck you,” he laughs, but his eyes widen as we hear a throat clear from across the room.

  Amy stands in the doorway with a bowl of water in her arms, she’s bright red but her eyebrow is cocked and there is a smirk on her face.

  Shit, I hope she didn’t hear what I said.

  My eyes follow her as she walks across the room, placing the bowl on the trolley she turns to us smiling sweetly.